Our parallel universe continues. I try extremely hard to maintain and even create normality. So we can all connect with the usual world. We went to synagogue today together, sat (mostly) still and together and returned home together unscathed. Great and engaging service led by Rabbi Danny Rich. Then Ruben kind of collapsed whilst I realised the chickens (left in the oven) hadn't cooked and 5 adults and 8 children waited. "You never learn, " he said to me exhausted from the couch. and he's right. This new normal is very hard for me to adapt to.
Eventually the chicken was edible, Ruben ate, slept and returned to us for some table tennis renewed a little.
The children and I all fall in this gap between life that was and will be again, and how it is now.
Ruben feels sick and dizzy and tired so much of the time, even during his break period. And I'm not sure how to help always. He seem to want to be with me... Unless he's watching football on telly as he is now. Then miraculously he's fine.
At 4.20 pm I was telephoned and told Rabbi Sheila Shulman z'l had died. Her lymphoma had returned and in the in the end, it was peaceful and quick. She was something and someone exceedingly special in her generation. But it's not easy hearing of her ( or anyone) dying from lymphoma.
At a time such as this you must feel as though your treasured normality has been stolen from you, to be replaced by a void of fear and the unknown. We rely so much on normality for security but it is flimsy. I do hope that you will, before long, begin to discover that a new normality which brings light, hope and some peace is arriving. Rubén, you and those around you have so much support out here that it won't be wasted.
ReplyDeleteThe most comforting thing I ever head when I was in the darkness was: "You will come through the other side. You can't imagine it and you can't see it, but you will come out the other end." And so you will.
ReplyDeleteThis is so moving to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this down and giving us a glimpse into what you all are going through.
We love you all xxxx