Week 8

Ruben is feeling better this week.  It's Thursday and he's been in school every day till after lunch. It's such a huge relief. Last Friday he was falling asleep in Mr Quigley's office. (The Head teacher ). This week he's smiling and talking about Picasso's Guernica and Spanish tests.   

He's still funny in his mixture of courage and preciousness in equal measures. 

Ruben: Mummy, my counts ( neutrophils) are dropping, I can feel it.

This is despite evidence to the contrary. The medical teams are amazed at his strength. I think wonderful Marian F has helped with that. Her acupuncture, tapping and moxa treatment have strengthened his very core.

This Shabbat in synagogue we'll read Parashat Toldot. In it is a verse and moment very close to me. Rebekah struggling with her pregnancy, and expressing despair exclaims; 

im ken lamah zeh anokhi v'telech lidrosh et Adonai…Why is this so? And she went to ask God, the only woman to do so. 

I've asked myself this again and again for and because of my Ruben and this new reality I have been catapulted into. 

Rafael woke again last night crying, not he told me because of the scenes of bombs from the film, ( Dad and I took them to The Imitation Game) but for Ruben. Everyone's feeling it.

MRI and PET scan next week. The need for radiotherapy after chemo ends will be determined from them. I feel nervous. It's another milestone in this journey we're on. 

His picc line is blocked again. More hospital visits as I fight for this 'normal life'. But he did show it with pride to his friends; this extraordinary tube burrowing into the crease of his elbow like a helpful white worm. He's swelling a little from the steroids and the chocolate milkshakes that disguise medicine, and it distresses him.

But life goes on.

Rafael has a Capereira tournament, Dora practices her trumpet and rehearses her Rikkud dancing and cheerleading. The latter to accompany her teacher Mr Summer's  sponsored head shave. Last Sunday we cleared Highgate cemetery with fellow congregants for Mitzvah Day. It was beautiful, clear, crisp and very collegial.  Just what we needed.